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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I keep it civil and short. DH drives the plans and I give input. I do not get in the way of kids calling, FaceTime, etc, but I also don’t need to be involved. If I get asked about upcoming plans or visits, a simple, ‘I’ll discuss with DH and he will get back to you’ solves the problem.[/quote]

But I wouldn’t say that I will discuss with DH. That gives them the opportunity to blame you if they don’t like the outcome. Say something like, “You’ll have to ask Larlo.”  Or “Larlo, can you come over here? Your mom has a question for you.”  Don’t give them more ammo to blame you for not making the plans they want. [/quote]

DP, but I don't think about it this way. If my MIL wants to blame me for her not getting everything she wants, then (1) she's going to do it no matter what I do because that's the narrative that makes her feel best, and (2) it doesn't impact me whatsoever.

There's no such thing as "ammo" because what's she going to do with it? My DH and I have a strong, happy marriage, and he knows his mom is a lot. It costs me nothing to just be pleasant with her because she has zero power over me. Plus, the ruder or more controlling she is, the less my DH wants to be around her, and thus it costs her time with her grandchild without me saying anything (in fact, at this point I'm much more likely to be the one suggesting we visit her or stay for a longer visit while my DH says he doesn't want to because of her shenanigans, simply because I don't want to deprive my DD of these limited years with one of her only living grandparents). If she wants to blame me for that because it makes her feel better, that's fine. I'm seriously indifferent. It makes it so much easier.[/quote]

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