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[quote=Anonymous]To the few posters on here complaining that their SIL's never got to get to know their family, that they're distant, and so on - there are some reasons for that.

My SIL would probably say that about me.  However, much of it is my husband (her brother).  First, my ILs raised the kids to compete with one another, and I think that didn't really lay the appropriate groundwork for a close adult relationship between DH and SIL.  Second, SIL was unpleasant when I started dating DH (doing things like inviting his ex-gf over, who she was friends with, while I was at the house or posting stuff online).  She was still a teenager, so she was probably just really immature, but her parents never bothered to run interference on anything.  I think overall, she's a good person, but it took her many years to grow up and DH put a lot of distance between himself and her.  Their lives also went in radically different directions during the decade or so when they had minimal contact.  As a result, they were never close to start out with and now they've grown into people who would literally never be friends if they met each other in any other setting.  SIL also feels a need to make small comments to DH and me about the different directions of our lives, and we find it really awkward and uncomfortable.  Lastly, my husband finds certain behavior from my MIL and FIL inappropriate.  They make very harsh comments about everyone, including SIL's own husband.  SIL is used to their judgement, so she writes it all off in a "oh that's just mom and dad" sort of way.  The truth is that my DH knows that if my ILs are bashing SIL, they'd be bashing us, too, if we ever gave them any material, so he almost never engages.

It's much tougher to look critically at the unfavorable dynamics in your family of origin than to just create a narrative that your SIL put a wedge in between you and your brother.[/quote]

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