Reply to “It’s not my fault you guys got divorced!”

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Reply to "“It’s not my fault you guys got divorced!”"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I refused to lie.

I always empathized with my kid, told him it was not his fault and I hated the situation too but him DAD decided to leave. I told him we'd make the best of it and not to worry about little things. When his Dad complained I told him all this was on him. I was consistent and relentless with this message.

I did not mention other people but my kid figured it out early.

Ex tries so hard, but our kid has his number. He no longer listens to any of his Dad's advice.

Ex will have another miserable Father's Day. Too bad, so sad.
[/quote]

I think you placed a lot of burden on your child.  Your refusal to lie meant that you contributed to the schism between father and son.  Doing that while you son was still a minor was not fair.  Just because you were wronged, does not make it right to pass that on to your child.  I posted above that I think you should wait until the child graduates from college and becomes independent and then all bets are off and you are welcome to tell the whole story to your son.  But let the kid grow up with both a father and a mother.  While what your ex did to you was heinous, you still owe it to your child to let him grow up and mature as healthy as possible.  Losing his father due to the cheating and divorce just makes him more at risk to grow up with emotional problems that he is not going to be able to handle himself.  Once he is grown and independent, then he can learn the story and cut of his father.  I just think it is extremely selfish to have the attitude that you have and that you are taking your revenge for your husband's cheating out on your child.

There was another poster who was in this situation who was told at 17 and they agreed with me and felt that it was an undue burden to be placed on them at that age.  So even as a young adult, having the burden of one parents infidelity and the cause of their parents' divorce was a difficult emotional burden to carry while trying to grow up.[/quote]

Disagree. It was the one who cheated who placed the undue burden on the child.

Obviously parents have to be careful to not say mean things about the parents of their children in front of those children. But that doesn’t mean they have to lie. I don’t think that’s better for the kids.

And Maybe you wouldn’t want to have known but as a kid I know I would have. [/quote]

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