Reply to Single Guy Friend (33) Can't Find a Girlfriend

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[quote=Anonymous]For those who wonder why this guy is picky about wanting an Asian mate, let me add some thoughts.

I'm a Chinese American guy in my 50's.  My parents came to the US in the 1950's for graduate school, met, married and had their family.  So, I am in many respects a typical ABC (American Born Chinese).  My parents were pretty forward thinking, they were open to us kids marrying whoever we wanted and were pretty accepting.  That said, I grew up with many family friends whose parents were less open and wanted not only an Asian in-law, but specifically a Chinese in-law.  Some of these parents applied a LOT of pressure.  I know some kids who dated non-Chinese and were subjected to a lot of criticism and unpleasantness from parents and extended family, who tried to tread a very thin line of appeasing both family and SO and then their relationships ended up very strained when the SO felt they were not supported enough against the family.  I also know many, especially many who watched the same difficult family situation unfold with friends, who decided it just wasn't worth it.

I'm an ABC, but I've noticed that many American Chinese who immigrated when young, have very similar situations.  It's less a problem with families where the parents also immigrate to the US and integrate into American society.  But the ones whose parents come to the US and really don't integrate (e.g. don't get jobs working in the US, don't really learn much English and live in very closed ethnic communities or closed ethnic family friend groups) or whose parents don't come to the US and stay back in China or Taiwan, are likely to have even more such difficulties.

So, while it is understandable that many suggest that his problem is his narrow field of choice, in many Chinese families, it is both better for both partners for such children to try and find a partner with at least similar backgrounds.  I can say that for some of these families where the child chose someone outside of the family background, that it makes for a very long and difficult marriage.  I know several such marriages that did not survive the family tension.  And I know  a couple that have, but the family friction is a real strain on the marriage.

It doesn't help the person who is feeling alone, but it might explain why he wants to find a preferably Chinese mate, to avoid life-long stress, tension and friction between family and partner.[/quote]

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