Reply to When do you leave a husband who is not serious about my ticking biological clock?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "When do you leave a husband who is not serious about my ticking biological clock?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]This thread is full of nonsense knee-jerk "just leave" advice that simply reflects back OP's anger. It is not reasoned advice.

OP -- you have not told us (nor am I asking you to tell us now) WHAT discussions you and he had before marriage, early in marriage, as the years progressed in your marriage. Nowhere do you--not some random PP making assumptions, I mean YOU, OP -- tell us that he has said definitively and with real clarity "I Do. Not. Want. Children. Ever." Posts her, and you yourself, are simply assuiming that's the case.

Why did you marry him? Make a list. Honest to God, an actual, literal list.

What is still good about him and your marriage if you can take your emotions about a baby out of it? Can you step back and be objective even a little?

Can you see that possibly your own perspective is very keyed up and agitated in your OP?

It sounds as if you and he do not communicate CLEARLY or well at all. Before you simply ditch him over this one single issue, you and he should both commit to getting an objective third party, namely a couples therapist, to work with you.

Also: You are 34. Unless you have TTC issues (you mention TTC and $) you are not too old for a child even in the next several years. And you are talking about leaving him based on totally unclear communications. Sounds like you and he both are simply letting inertia carry you toward a split which you need to understand [i]will not guarantee you will have a child of your own ever[/i]-- do you see yourself hitting the dating market at 35 or so? Or going it alone with a sperm donor--? Especially if you have any conception issues?

Too much emotion and frustsration and hormones going on. You and he both need to get help before you ditch him thinking there's going to be another magical solution if he's out of the picture. If this is THE one issue why would you ditch someone you loved enough to marry once. You said you've had financial issues; are you really unaware how much mental space and emotional space that has sucked up for both you and him? He may be as terrified of the responsiblity of a child as you are terrified you won't have one. Do you know? I'm betting not because I don't sense any real discussions have gone on here--deep, uninterrupted, non-arguing talks.

I'm not saying he's a good guy or you're wrong and bad, OP. I fear you'll read it that way. No. I'm saying you are so wrapped up in intense and understandable emotion you are only hearing that loud ticking which is drowning everything else including any other reasons to stay married to him (like, do you love him as a person?); any thought that you are not necessarily going to have a baby if you divorce him except maybe as a single parent; etc.

Sit him down. No ultimatums; those aren't for grown-ups unless there's real abuse or addiction involved. Get outside help because both of you need some objectivity. And review why you married in the first place. Was having a child more important than the marriage relationship, part of it, or secondary to spending your life with this person? [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics