Reply to My tween is... clueless? Rude? Needs help?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am still working on basic manners with my 11yr old--look in the eyes when an adult is talking to you and asking you questions; dont just "good" when asked how you are; say 'thank you' when you leave someone's care (playdates etc); say "thank you" to the coach at the end of practice etc[/quote]

This seems completely normal and age-appropriate to me.  Sounds like your 11 yo is not being rude.  It's just that he/she is not yet comfortable with the affirmative responses that constitute good manners in our society.  Again, completely age-appropriate and what we're seeing around here with DCs' 10-13 yo cohort.

But what OP is describing goes a step or two further, so I understand his/her concern.  Their DS's responses and behaviors look more like active rejection of social norms -- not that it's necessarily their DS's intention -- but it shows up as being dismissive or issuing a "take down" of sorts in situations where it's not appropriate.

FWIW, I don't think OP's son's behaviors are a huge deal -- we're seeing it in many of DS's peers, too.  Sacrasm and snark are huge with tweens, and they have their place, of course.  The kids see so much of it on TV and in social media, and it's usually played for a laugh or seen as a huge positive.

So . . . we've been working on context - reminding DS that his thoughts and ideas are always valid and appropriate in his head.  BUT it's not always valid or appropriate to share them with others.  That decision really depends on the context - who he's talking with, what the situation and expectations are (school vs. friends vs. home vs. grandparents), how that person might feel (the perspective-taking mentioned above) etc.

These concepts are easy for some kids to grasp, and harder for others.  Just keep noticing and instructing.  SO much of this is modeling appropriate behavior.  Good luck, OP![/quote]

Thank you so much, PP. I do work on it but it just makes me very riled up and his resistance (“but honesty is the best policy!”) makes me want to smack him hard. But I do think of it as some sort of deficiency rather than spite. [/quote]

Highly suggest you have a neuropsych evaluation. He either has adhd and social anxiety or high functioning autism
.this isn't age appropriate at all.[/quote]

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