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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wait til your son is older. Unfortunately in my experience the younger they are the easier they are to deal with... that’s why old ladies coo over little kids.

A couple things — could it be sibling jealousy? Tends to kick in more after the youngest is 1 and more mobile.

How’s your bond apart from this — do you get one on one time that’s for play, not discipline or doing stuff/going places?

7 is a moody and sensitive age. They are wanting to be their own person. Talk to your child and see if she is feeling “bossed” and ask her how she would like you to talk to her in those moments. This is information gathering and gives her a sense of agency. Also make clear to her your side — “thanks for telling me that, I hear you. Could I tell you something about my feelings? When you say X I feel sad, “bossed” etc. I would like you to communicate with more respect which means eye contact and polite words.”

Basically you are now managing a child with an ego. [/quote]

Could be jealousy… although kids have vastly different interests so I feel that they both command our attention without competing with each other.

Our bond has always been close. We share several interests and I do a lot of one on one time with her. She is affectionate, funny and chatty. But does not like being told “no” or having her plan thwarted. Today, we were walking out the door and I had my hands full. She let the door close behind her without holding it for me. When I asked her to hold the door for me, she rolled her eyes, did a big sigh and said “ok!” in an exasperated tone. When I talked to her about it, she basically told me to drop it. She was totally annoyed that I brought it up. “Ok, mom! I get it!” . Later, she asked me to take her to get a treat. I told her that I wasn’t happy with how she spoke to me earlier and that we won’t be doing that today. She totally flipped out, yelling and crying. Now she is sulking in her room. It’s draining. [/quote]

Talk to her and see what her feelings are. It’s good to think of this as rehearsal for teenage years. If you can open a channel of communication, that’s more valuable in the long run than trying to judge whether your child’s feelings are valid or whatever. Obviously the behavior is not ideal, but I would focus on shifting what is underlying as well.

The behavior you describe sounds a bit like a mix of anxiety and needing to learn some skills. I would focus on teaching the skills rather than punishment. As you noticed the punishment is ineffective and might even damage the bond. It would be better to give the discipline in the moment with a chance for redemption: “I noticed you sighed and told me ok! in a frustrated voice when I asked you to open the door. I understand you probably didn’t feel like helping because you wanted to XYZ in that moment. When you talked to me like that, I felt hurt because I needed your help. Actually, we need each other. Please hold open the door and say “of course” if you want me to help you with your requests for treats later.”

It’s important to use a specific description of the behavior vs something vague like “respectfully,” “politely,” “nicely.” There are two pieces kids need to learn at this age — one is the actual concrete pro social behavior, the other is the feeling of empathy.[/quote]

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