Reply to Why/how do you date people you're not attracted to?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky[/b]."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.[/quote]

I am not doubting but sincerely curious: who is giving that advice. I would never tell my daughter that so want to know where that message comes from.[/quote]

A few posts back, someone said that because most women are only attracted to the top 20% of men, women should settle.

My whole life, if I wasn’t interested in a guy because I wasn’t attracted, I’d hear tons of “poor guy!” and “but he’s SUCH a good guy!”

[/quote]

But from whom? Your friends? Your parents?[/quote]

Everyone. Friends, parents, acquaintances, strangers at parties.

I can’t even count the number of times a friend, family member, or acquaintance has tried to set me up with a guy and started with “I know he’s not physically your type, but he’s such a great guy....” Even now my sister is trying to set me up with her boss who is almost 20 years older than me (!!) but he’s “sooooo nice”  :roll:

I remember reading a book about dating for teenage girls when I was maybe 13/14. One of the key pieces of advice was to always give a guy a second date, even if you weren’t attracted to him. [/quote]

Ugh. Amazing that women give that advice to other women.

[/quote]

I am one of those people, am I a terrible feminist?

[b]MY theory, b/c it's my experience is that if someone is "so nice" and you get to know them and like them, you may very well become attracted to them. So you can't say with just a picture if you will or won't be attracted after knowing them a bit.[/b]

I  realize that's not everyone's experience, but it's mine. Sure, there are some butt ugly guys - or guys with red hair - i would never date because it's will never happen and I know that about myself. Maybe my standards are so low the guy has to be really, really ugly (or have red hair? I just squeem at red hair).[/quote]

I think this is actually pretty common (from talking to my female friends). But over the years I have realized I am just not one of those women - for me, attraction is either there or it's not, and I know pretty early on which way it's going to go. TBH, I wish I were not built like this (and have tried to force myself not to be!) but it's never worked out when I have tried to ignore this fact about myself. Like your thing with red hair - my turn off has always been super short guys (i.e. under 5'4"). I fully recognize it's a superficial preference, but I was never able to get past it. [/quote]

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