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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is stigma against young mothers. There is stigma against older mothers. There is stigma against working moms. There is stigma against SAHMs. There is stigma against women who chose not to become a mother. There is stigma against women who struggle to become moms (though weirdly it’s started to feel like this is the one woman we’re ok with because she wants to be a mom but hasn’t achieved it — we feel sorry for her but don’t hate her, lucky her).

So often these conversations wind up falling apart as women argue over their choices and options and how they are treated by other women... there is no way to resolve it among ourselves. Women are set up to compete with each other and them criticized when we do.

It’s misogyny. All of it. And the best thing we as women could do is simply support and defend each other against it, rather than seizing an opportunity to position ourselves as “one of the good women who made the right choices.” You see, there are no right choices. Half the time, what is treated as choice is not.

I love young moms and old moms and women who are not moms and working women and trans women and tired women and happy women and all the women. You are all doing great. Let’s make sure we all have access to healthcare (including abortions and birth control), access to economic independence, and freedom from harassment and assault. Everything else is immaterial.[/quote]

/endthread

Seriously, this is it. We’re all set up to believe we’re one of the good ones and to criticize those who make different choices.

Do you see men arguing about this BS? Nope. Men are praised no matter what they do. I was just talking with my BFF yesterday about how anytime my H was seen holding our baby, people would literally pull over their cars to praise him for being a good dad. Whereas I got mostly criticism for not doing it “right”.

I also know MANY fathers who have little to no involvement in their child’s life, and no one bats an eye. [/quote]

I love the above post and agree with it, but I don't think the point about men is entirely true. When we were all in law school or business school or working as junior associates or IB associates or whatever, our male friends would have found it weird for one of our male peers to have a baby too. It's just really unusual in urban professional circles because the logistics are almost impossible.[/quote]

it's is all the group you run in. My law school friends at GW were mostly in long term relationships or married. Most of us had kids within a few years of graduation. [/quote]

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