Reply to How to Make Friends with Likeminded Moms, esp. Working Moms

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For the past few years, I've been quite lonely.

I am a big reader...I enjoy talking about social/economic trends, hot-button issues, my work, meaning-of-life kind of stuff. I like to debate and analyze, and have deep conversations. I was always a nerd and didn't fit in at my small private school, where kids were mostly talking about pop culture I was totally unfamiliar with.

At college, I found my group, and that was awesome. Then, we grew up and grew apart. My college friends don't have kids yet, we have changed priorities and interests, and more practically, everyone's living all over the country/the world. We catch up by phone every few months and try to see each other 1-2 times per year, but that's not a lot, and every year I feel like we have less in common.

I work at an interesting and intellectually stimulating job but all my coworkers are much younger (early 20s), so while we have great working relationships, they're not exactly friends (plus I'm in a senior role so it's unwise to befriend others anyway).

I'm lucky to have a flexible schedule, working mostly half days, so I try to meet people at preschool/school pickup, playgrounds, etc. I live in a suburb. The people I meet are mostly SAHMs and the conversations are mostly about kid/family stuff - kids' classes, gossip, "where did you buy XYZ for kid?", updates about school, vacations, weekend plans, etc. It's enjoy these topics to some extent, but it's all they seem to talk about, and when I bring up some news story or something from work, they just tune out. So the relationships are pretty shallow.

When I do meet working moms, they're (understandably) extremely busy... weekdays are hectic, weekends are family time, everyone seems to have friends already and no one is interested in investing their limited time in getting to know a stranger to see if maybe a real friendship will develop. Some women just refer me to their nanny to plan playdates. Even people that do genuinely seem interested in connecting end up being too busy and things fizzle out. I have tried approaching people in person, joining groups for working moms, joining Facebook groups in my local area, joining groups organized around some of my interests... people just don't have time.

I would really love to have close friends that I can talk to about anything, people who really get me. Not just fellow parents that I hang out with just because we have kids the same age and chat about school and summer camp.  Is this even possible? What can I do? 
[/quote]

Do you have a best friend from long ago you can call and have these conversations with? A sparring partner? Someone who enjoys these same kinds of conversations and topics? Or perhaps a partner who will debate with you?

I read a lot and am well educated, etc, but I am at a point where my emotionally deep friendships with women are not at all about current events or politics or argument or analysis. They are about mutual emotional support while we go through eldercare hell and raising kids and teens. The kind of friendship you want isn't one I'd be that interested in right now, I don't think. I listen to a lot of book/literature podcasts (mostly British) and political podcasts (from left to center-right), and I feel those provide the kind of intellectual engagement I don't get elsewhere. I wonder if you could separate out the emotional intimacy piece you're seeking from the other things you're looking for.[/quote]

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