Reply to Was your mother a "yeller," how did it affect you?

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[quote=Anonymous]Occasionally I yell, meaning raising my voice in order to be taken seriously.  Very rarely (but still more than zero), I have succumbed to a ferocious kind of yelling -- the kind that originates deep from within.  There's a distinct tonal difference.  The first sounds exasperated and sometimes angry, and the other is darker, meaner, and decidedly angrier.

Those "dark" yells never happened when I had one chlid and worked FT out of the home.  They started at the very end of my second pregnancy and continued a few months after baby #2 was born when I was FT at home.  They happenned rarely, yes, but they were scary.  There were no direct insults associated with them, however; mostly along the lines of "THIS WHINING NONSENSE IS MAKING ME CRAZY!  STOP IT! PUT ON YOUR SHOES AND COAT ***RIGHT NOW!!!***, DAMMIT!" accompanied by a very angry face.  No hitting, and the event is about 3 seconds long--just long enough for me to get the words out.

I feel a great deal of shame almost immediately afterwards.  Apologies, apologies, apologies.  But I don't want my very wonderful oldest daughter to think that an apology makes verbal abuse okay.  I don't want her to put up with it from friends or from a sweetheart, so the answer to the problem is for me to never go there again.

Thankfully it seems that I feel much, much less of this kind of intense anger now that months have passed since #2 arrived and I'm also back to work.  I chalk up the 'dark' yells, in part, to hormones and lack of sleep.  Otherwise, I'm pretty darn sweet and an excellent mum.

But the yellingis a serious blemish.  And I think it can have a profound impact on my oldest child, for sure.  We always talked about it afterwards.  I hope that helps a ton.[/quote]

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