Reply to Was your mother a "yeller," how did it affect you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother was a yeller.  And by yeller I mean she'd go into fits and rages and would yell (very loud, very frightening voice) lashing out at anyone who was nearby, her children included.  Most of the abuse (and I do think this is abusive behavior) was verbal, but occasionally she hit us.  She was emotionally unstable.  She drank too much and was a really self centered person.  Her bad day became everyone's bad day.  My brother and I are in our 30's and still recount frightening episodes from our childhood.  I used to hide under the bed praying she wouldn't come to my room to yell and scream.  It one of the most prominent memories of my childhood, unfortunately.  As a really little kid - four or five - I'd pee myself in fear.  That too - that terror - still haunts me.

Needless to say, I've invested a lot of time and money in therapy.  It's affected me deeply.  I find it hard to trust people, hard to be open and initimate with people, and very hard to escape those memories of my childhood.  I am also a people pleaser.  My husband suffered a similar experience in childhood and he's a big people pleaser too.

As you can imagine, it's affected my relationship with my mother.  My mother since went to rehab and has truly transformed - she's much more pleasant and sensitive to the world around her.  I think she's quite desperate to undo the way that she treated my brother and me.  It cannot be undone, unfortunately, although we work hard at building our relationship, especially now that DD is in the picture.  I can't say I love my mother, though.  I treat her respectfully and I try to be inclusive, but I don't love her.

When it comes to how I raise my daughter, I am absolutely committed to never yelling at her and terrorizing her. Of course I'll get angry and I'm positive that I'll say things that I don't mean.  But my husband and I want to provide her with love and stability and a home where even if my husband or myself is having a bad day, she isn't terrified that we'll blow up and lash out.     [/quote]

Boy, do you sound like a PIA. How old are you? Stop blaming mommy for everything. I'm sure she was doing the best she could at the time. Learn to forgive and move on and you might have chance at happiness.[/quote]

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