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College and University Discussion
Reply to "Formerly great student slacking off spring semester junior year"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son was exactly like this, but it hit earlier - over the winter quarter. It took me a while to realize that this was a manifestation of depression. This is a time in their lives they are supposed to be pulling away and becoming independent and they couldn't do it. Some kids reacted to this by acting out. Mine just shut down. Academically, the only thing that worked was getting him out of his room and making him sit at the dining room table to work while I was right there doing work myself at the table. One night we stayed up together until 2 am. I went over his schedule every day, checked up on assignments and kept checking with him until they were done. And honestly, it was horrible. He resented being treated like a kid and I resented having to do it. We argued a lot and I worried about it destroying our relationship. The alternative, however, was doing nothing and letting his grades tank and I wasn't willing to do that given the circumstances and the fact that eventually things would return to normal. My mindset was "just get him through this..." Things did eventually get back to normal - he's in four days a week now because I advocated hard to get him back in. He is so much happier. He's meeting deadlines and I'm no longer having to monitor it all. His grades have recovered somewhat, but aren't where they would have been otherwise. Our relationship it much better. I took him out to dinner last week and we talked a little bit about the "dark days of winter" and then agreed to never speak of them again. This year has greatly altered his college options, but we've been arranging in-person tours for the summer to places he can still likely get into. He's so excited about the prospect of leaving home that he has already started his personal statement for applications. I'm not sure what advice to give you, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone, it's not just your kid and you can do whatever it is you think you need to to help her get through this. [/quote] I could have written this exact post -- except my junior son's crisis hit in the fall. NONE of his teachers in the fall trimester alerted me to the problem -- I just found out after we got his grades. I know this has been hard for teachers, but it has been harder for the kids. My son's college options are now narrowed because the school didn't react. I did the same as you, PP. Sitting at the dining room table. Staying on top of his assignments. Giving a real piece of my mind to that teacher who waited until the end of the winter trimester to load all the grades in at once, with the late penalties. God it has been miserable. Also spent major money for weekly therapist, psychiatrist, and some zoloft. But it all worked. He is feeling good again and thriving. I no longer have to ask whether the work was done. At least, I hope. I guess we'll see at the end of the term. [/quote You are blaming the teacher, but it does not sound like you (who was living in the same house) noticed your son was having mental health issues. Don't blame it all on the teachers. This goes beyond grades. [/quote]
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