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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are a fully blended family.  Two of our adult kids (step siblings) share an apartment.  The kids are all very close.  My DH’s ex was nuts when we got married 24 years ago. And she is still nuts.  There is nothing magical about the kids turning 18.  You’ll still be dealing with that crazy until one of you dies.  Now it’s graduations, weddings, grandkids, and holiday visits instead of visitation.

My advise - Don’t add to the chaos.  It’s not fair to the kids.  You be the calm center in the storm.  The kids will figure out who they can trust when they get older.  I don’t push visits with the adult kids.  I just tell them we are happy whenever they are able to be here.  Stay above the need to control.  Accept that she will be a part of your life for a very long time.   If you can do that, you’ll be fine.  [/quote]

For us it was magical.  Toward the end the ex wouldn't let Dad see the kids and did everything possible to push him out of their lives.  So, it ended the screaming phone calls demanding more money, calls screaming about the kids behavior (what could he do if he wasn't able to see or talk to them), and other demands.  We didn't have to feel obligated to answer the phone, listen to her rants or any of that.  Or, step in and clean up her/their messes.

Let the kids go on vacation with their parents.  In less the kids are asking for it, they deserve 1-1 time with their parent and not forced into a blended situation.  If he has the kids 1/2 or less time you have plenty of time to spend with him.  Let his time with them be with them.[/quote]

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