Reply to Parents- tell me about your friendships with childfree people

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am at mid 40s and childless. For the most part I find that I never get to see my friends with kids. They would prefer to hang out with other parents with kids.[/quote]

This is my experience as well.  I have friends with kids, and I see usually see them in the context of their kids.  I went to all of one friend’s kid’s birthdays, recitals, etc.   I love her and her family, but those friends don’t reciprocate or show much appreciation of my life.  You can even see it in the posts here.  [b]All of the parents say to remain friends, their child free friends have to accommodate them, but I wonder how they show those child free friends that they care and value them.  [/b]

I used to be much more accommodating.  I’ve never commented on any friend’s parenting.  I’ve gone to so many kid events.  I’ve been out to dinner with a friend’s kids running around the restaurant screaming.  And yet I’ve never felt that any of them would go out of their way to see me or accommodate me.  In my experience most friends seemed to become more selfish when they had kids.  And they use their kids as a trump card for everything.

Just be prepared for that.  There will be times your friends imply or outright say your time isn’t as precious as theirs and your life isn’t as meaningful.  I’ve learned to just let it go when that happens.  But I no longer go out of my way.  [/quote]

PP here that specifically pointed out that mutual consideration, thoughtfulness, and communication is the key to relationships in general.  Have you ever brought up with any of your close friends that you feel the relationship is with saving, that you have felt this way and they continued to behave the same?  I do realize the post comes from a place or hurt and I don’t know if it make it better or not to know that people struggle with friendships whether they have kids or not.  I’ve felt like that odd mom out, never the one part of the after soccer game play date plans, always the one putting on the effort to get people together and plan things.  I felt like I was relieving middle school all over again as an adult and it sucked. There was this moment of clarity where I was burnt out and I realized that I  was putting in all this effort for what.  So I keep my circle small and like you made the decision not to go out of my way anymore.  Within my small circle of friends, not everyone gets it right all the time, but we feel comfortable enough to bring up when someone has let the other person down, but part of that is that you know the person does value the friendship and other person and would want to get it right.[/quote]

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