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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So... I have somewhat strong opinions on this, and YMMV. But if you look at most of the “scientists” who write about attachment parenting, they are crackpots. You can’t experiment ethically on large enough of a scale to prove any of the claims. I come from a culture that is often cited as “evidence” of how “natural” attachment parenting is. The truth is, practices like co sleeping and holding the baby all day evolve in cultures where there is a lot of alloparenting. They were never intended to be used extensively in cultures like our own where one person, usually mom, is on call 24/7. For example in my culture women rest in bed for a month after giving birth and are waited on by other women who cook special lactogenic foods for them. In the absence of all the support that makes these things possible and sustainable, I think women are guilted by an unreasonable standard that is put up by these “experts” and sustained by a parenting industry of blogs, books, equipment, etc. with a great deal of financial incentive to market these ideas as if they are innovations.

That said I did EBF and I believe it’s good for babies to have a lot of care. I sleep trained mine around 6-7 months based on research that after that age, you can actually train them out of self-soothing by intervening too much. We used wake times for age to establish solid napping during the day and a good bedtime routine. Then we started with nights, as the sleep pressure is strongest then. We did PUPD — pick up put down. Put the baby down and let them cry for one minute, pick them up again. Repeat until they fall asleep. My first fell asleep on night 1 after 10 minutes of this. Second night took 5 minutes. Third night, no crying, slept 13 hours without waking! The second one didn’t cry the first night at all. I recommend the sleep training guide on BabyCenter and Baby Sleep Science (blog by sleep consultants) for quick and painless sleep training and trouble shooting.

If the baby is ready it’s best not to drag it out. My friends who got sucked into attachement parenting had kids in their bed until they were 4, 5 years old. That’s just not good for everyone’s health given how modern life is set up,[/quote]

Here’s one guide that is informative:

https://community.babycenter.com/post/a5417415/how_to_successfully_teach_a_baby_to_sleep_-_3rd_ed.

And some info on why aligning bedtime with your child’s circadian rhythm will produce a strong sleep drive:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.babysleepscience.com/amp/2014/05/01/important-sleep-basics-all-parents-pediatricians-and-caregivers-should-know

You want a strong sleep drive to be established before you let them practice self-soothing because it makes it easier and faster for them to succeed. For that reason, trying to practice when your child is teething or overtired will also be harder.

I understand how your wife feels. However at this point she is compromising her own health, and therefore what she has to give the baby. As a parent it’s always hard to let go and figure out when your child is ready to do something. I would encourage her to think about it a bit like swimming — you’re not going to just throw the child in with no help and let them figure it out. Your job is to scaffold the experience so they can get more confident, and develop new skills. At some point too much help is also holding them back and creating dependencies that won’t serve them. You don’t want to give your child the message, I don’t think you can do this. There are going to be so many different bedtime issues even after you train — it won’t be the last time you have to decide the right balance of support and encouragement to independence. Think about talking to a counselor, maybe, so you guys can get on the same page. [/quote]

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