Reply to attempted suicide of acquaintance- reach out to parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in this place and if you were not a close friend I would not have been happy to have you in our family’s business. People can say it’s just like any other illness but the truth is it’s not.  We did not spread this news around and I would have been really upset that people I didn’t know well were chatting about it.  I only told some friends at the office, in part because I took FMLA leave.[/quote]

I’m sorry that you have experienced this, but the stigma that you are perpetuating put your loved one even more at risk. It is OK to except help from others when you have a person who has symptoms of an illness that can be deadly. Hiding And shame only makes it worse for everyone who suffers, and it cuts you off from support and help that could potentially be there for you as well.[/quote]

Eh—she’s free to tell whoever she wants, and I’ve actually encouraged her to share what she learned in the process with younger girls through various community service projects.   But I’m not going to be spreading around information about her medical condition.  And I’d be pissed at peoole in the neighborhood for taking about it.  She went through a year of DBT after hospitalization and is doing well.   But an important part of her recovery was having and developing an identity and a vision for herself outside of “depressed girl.”  
Frankly, if I had cancer I wouldn’t want a bunch of random people in the neighborhood talking about it either.  If I didn’t tell you, the. I probably don’t want you to know.  [/quote]

I'm a different PP than the one you're responding to, but I really agree with the other PP. Your experience is yours, and I'm sorry you went through that and of course you should share your experience.

But OP, I've done a lot of work through my job with families going through traumatic experiences, and I agree with the other PP: the shame and sense of needing to keep this private is a common feeling, but it's often not rooted in the realization that it IS a health issue and is NOTHING to be ashamed of.  Horrified by, confused by, broken hearted by of course.  But hiding it and being pissed that others are talking about it... Most families I've worked with were INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL for each person who treated them like humans, who showed sympathy and empathy, who basically just reached out to say "I'm sorry this happened, is it helpful if I drop food/gift card by? How are your other kids (if there are others)? I'd be happy to take them to the movies with my kids..."

And absolutely ditto on the beauty of reaching out to the child if they survived an attempted suicide.  My DD is 12 and one of her best online friends 1/2 through the pandemic, he disappeared from the site they all talked on, she was devastated he stopped talking and stopped responding.  She still wrote regularly, even when she assumed he wasn't coming back to the site. Maybe 4 weeks later she heard from another tween on the site that he'd committed suicide. She STILL wrote him, devasted that he had died. Recently out of nowhere he showed up again, he did try to kill himself but he didn't die, and was in a coma for months.  He didn't have much memory, but he let my DD know she was the ONLY person who wrote him regularly and even though he didn't remember her very well, he was incredibly grateful and knew he must've been lucky to have such a great person for a friend.

Needless to say it was incredibly consufusing, emotional, and difficult for DD but she's now been very supportive of several people her age (starting at age 10) who've had mental health or other crises and needed hospitalization.  It can mean the whole world to those young people who are having the hardest, most isolating time imaginable.

So I'd say always err on the side of checking in, leaving a nice note, just being kind.  The silence and eggshell walking that so many people do, even with best intentions, often just makes families feel even more isolated and shameful/shamed, despite what a few families feel like this PP here who would be pissed if someone dropped a note by.[/quote]

What an amazing human being you have for a daughter! [/quote]

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