Reply to Father with dementia in nursing home, sister wants to bring him home

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. I truly appreciate those of you who stuck around and offered some concrete advice. There are no easy answers. Home care is much more expensive than long term facility care. The rate is $30/hour, and 24 hours a day would make it extremely expensive. What he has would be gone in a year, including any inheritance. I certainly am fine with that, but I don't think my sister realizes that when that happens, they will take the house (that she lives in), take his cars (that she drives) and her life is turned upside down. She has never held a job, so finding employment would be tough. That said, If I knew my sister would handle things in a mature manner, I would 100% be on board bringing my father home. Even though I don't think he knows what home is anymore, at least we would all feel better he was there and not a facility. Unfortunately, I am not certain that she will miraculously change years of behavior in the next few weeks. Lining up care, calling agencies, getting the house ready - she will demand (not ask) that we all help. And we are happy to do so. But the moment we don't do something (in her opinion) we are cut-off from her. We don't get updates about my father, which yes, I know I could call and ask myself, but I really don't feel like taxing the nursing staff with multiple calls when as a family we should have our shit together enough to have one person as the POC with the nurses. They have enough to do. She then takes it upon herself to make all of the decisions, but when a few weeks pass, and she has decided to mend fences, then we are once again on duty to help with the bulk of the work. And I am happy to do so, but she does need to understand that I have a family and a job, where she has one job to do - and that is to take care of our father. And if it isn't done timely, then we feel the wrath.

Anyway, I could go on and on. And I really don't want to make this about bashing her. Unfortunately she is who she is, and is POA. IF this is her decision, then we live with it, cross our fingers, and do what we can to help. Before his dementia got to the point it is now, I made sure I told him everything I wanted to say and have comfort in that. He really no longer understands anything that's going on around him, and its heartbreaking. We will do what we can while he is still with us, and deal with the fall-out, if any comes of it. [/quote]

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