Reply to How do I know if my child has special needs, or is just a difficult, brat of a kid?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "How do I know if my child has special needs, or is just a difficult, brat of a kid?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am reading through the lines a bit, but it sounds like you are pretty demanding parents with a lot of rules, who believe that consequences are the way to achieve the most well behaved child. If I’m right about this, you are parenting an imaginary child and not the kid you have.

You really need to do a lot of reading about anxiety in kids, parenting techniques for kids with behavioral challenges and find some specialists to meet with. And then, you and your spouse need to completely regroup on how to parent this kid, who may be totally amazing if you get appropriate treatment for the anxiety and start building positive interactions.

And I mean this in the kindest of ways, my husband and I didn’t get the kids we expected either. We have had to adapt in ways we never could have imagined. But we have survived and thrived because we didn’t get caught up in thinking there was only one way to end up with a great kid.

I honestly think the first thing you should do is sit down with your spouse and pick only three things you care about — and no rules for a month other than the three things you care about. If you have this kid breaking 50 rules a day, you end up with zero positive interactions. The world won’t end if he doesn’t wash his hands before eating and goes to school in his pajamas.[/quote]

I experienced all of the above personally. I have a kid with anxiety who does well at school (very anxious at school about getting in trouble, so complies or withdraws). When lockdown happened, I was super stressed (responsible for keeping 10 other people employed, plus myself). I really tried to crack down on behavior and have very high expectations for academics to be completed at home.  Within a month, I had a kid who was either melting down or self-isolating. I talked to a school counselor who suggested How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and some other postive parenting books. I wish I could be as organized as the teacher above described, but I'm not that person. What I do is spend kid focused and driven time every day, appeal to my kid's sense of humor, encourage and praise, keep my tone neutral when I remind or ask my kid to redo a task, model apologizing when I react in anger or use a snipy tone.

It sounds like you need more professional support for your family, but I think do the stuff I listed above really does help. My kid is still tuned out sometimes and defiant sometimes, but our overall dynamic and her behavior are a million times better.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics