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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my advice is practical. yes, what you endured was not acceptable and I feel badly for you (I was in a relationship where I was the one longing for physical affection and it was tough, and not 10 years). But here's the deal. She is now finally responding--so by holding a grudge and continuing to hold it against her, you are now the one withholding--emotionally if not physically. Maybe you are 'justified' in doing so--but it ain't going to help.  Basically, you can either see this as the opportunity to make the marriage more into something you want--which will require dealing with some of that anger-- or you use this as the crux for deciding if you are going to stay. Because if she's finally have sex willingly, and you want to blow things up because of your anger over her refusal to do so previously, then maybe you really want out of the marriage--there is also probably an aspect of making her want to "pay," but that won't be that productive. I guess I'd keep having sex with her, encouraging intimacy, and deal with my feelings in therapy, until I better understood what I wanted and could separate out explosive anger from stuff I needed to get off my chest with my spouse--at which point couples therapy might be a good place to bring up some of this. I also think that you're in a tough position--you can communicate some of this and probably need to, but from her perspective she's finally responding to your needs and so by telling her how angry you are, its not going to make her want to further respond to your needs and re-establish emotional and sexual intimacy. Your frustration is understandable, however. [/quote]

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