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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Well, I like to think I am a good guy.  Most of the time.  But I agree that doesn't buy me much and I still owe this my best effort, at least for a little while longer.  I can take another several years of working on it and raising the kids.  If it still crashes I will leave with a clear conscience and a some hard learned lessons.

To those one or two who said they are in the same situation, I would address it head-on asap.  I thought I tried to, but I didn't push hard enough or pull the ultimate threat until way too late.  Looking back now, with the benefit of hindsight, I should have left this relationship about 8 years ago.  I didn't, and in one of our rare events we had another little one.  I'm happy to have him, but he is a strong tether to an otherwise disappointing relationship.  So, if you are in this situation I would figure it out one way or the other ASAP.  If you don't have any kids, get the hell out now (why even both if no kids??)!!!!

It's a funny thing.  I've heard it said that when a couple get married, the woman wishes/hopes she can change the man and he hopes she stays exactly the way she is.  Neither happens, and both end up disappointed.  So true in our case; I am not perfect and I know there are a few parts of my personality she wishes she could change but she has not.  But I can feel like I didn't pull a bait and switch; I stayed the same.  I know this is not always true, as I have some friends in great marriages (and some of them even have amazing sex lives - which I openly envy!).  But, in my case, that is very true, I believe.  My sense is that the change on her side is at least partly inevitable once you introduce kids.  [/quote]

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