Reply to FIL with dementia demanding to “go home”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The doctor is right. Legally you have to wait until something really bad happens before he can be declared incompetent.

It is terrifying but you can't change the laws.

Can you bring him back to his house and check in every once and while? Or hire someone else to do this? Or sell his house and let him pick out a condo or more manageable place to live?

You can notify adult protective services in where he is living of the situation. They can't do anything until the police have to respond, but at least they will have your father on their radar.

I empathize. Same situation with both of my parents. I'm impressed you can get him to go to the doctor.[/quote]

Unfortunately that isn't exactly true.  The standards for competency to make medical and financial decisions are clear.  What you (and the OP) need are professionals can evaluate your parent(s) capacities in these areas.  Do you have an attorney who specializes in elder law?  He or she can give you advice.  If you already have a POA in place, then find a gerontologist, a neurologist (preferably who works with dementia patients as a significant part of their practice) or neuropsychologist (again, with a dementia specialty).  They will be able to conduct a capacity examination.  Oftentimes primary care physicians are asked to do these kinds of evaluations and they really don't have the experience or expertise to do so.  From OP's description, the parent clearly lacks capacity for decision making and may even meet a grave disability standard (unable to make appropriate decisions for self-care).   Good luck to you both
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