Reply to Skeletons in the Closet?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]17:41 You seem like such a good guy. I would have been mad about some of the questions and assumptions but you answered them in such a reasonable way. I still think it's too bad you can't tell your wife the truth.[/quote]

I somewhat disagree. Some things are best kept in the past. The idea that your spouse must know about your past is not one I agree with. My past (drug use, sex history) was only brought out when she asked and then I gave her an honest answer to all. She now knows pretty much every woman I slept with, and is still on good terms with most of them. However, after she asked me about my history, she asked if I wanted to know, and I said no. If I ever have a burning desire to learn, I would expect honesty, but I do not want to know. The woman I love now is not the woman she was then, and I don't need complications. Knowing that she slept with numerous men or just a few will not be beneficial to our relationship. If she slept with numerous men, I then feel insecure about who I meet with her. If she slept with only a few, then I wonder what they had that made her choose them. I know myself and don't see any way that this would be beneficial to our kids or our marriage. Similarly, if the PP slept with men (in a gay relationship or just experimenting), it would not be beneficial to his relationship or kids, so there's no need to tell anybody. I think the desire to tell all must reside on the second X chromosome. It is not sad he can't tell his wife. It is good he has no desire to do so. In a marriage, we learn our boundaries. They differ from marriage to marriage. I do appreciate the reasoned explaination of something many of us don't understand.[/quote]

Totally agree with your view.  My spouse and I know nothing about ech other's past because knowing about it is not going to be of any benefit.  We both had lives before we met and my concern is the life we have now and in the future.  I am interested in what he sees in his eyes when he looks at me now, not all the details of what he did on some winter night years ago.  And pp, you are right about complications.  As DH puts it when he first learned that I went on Spring Break twice, "I would rather not know".[/quote]

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