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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell me your experiences bonding with an older child who has been adopted into your family? Mine new relative has experienced trauma in the past and naturally has been reluctant to warm up to everyone and has anger issues. I understand this but am wondering how I can help build some trust. FYY-this child is not mine but a member of immediate family. [/quote]

What do the child's parents say, OP? Because honestly it is a little weird that you are talking about being disappointed over a lack of bond with a "new" family member who you acknowledge has a past history of trauma. Is perhaps the real issue that your expectations are too high and you lack insight regarding what trauma actually does to a child. Why are you asking here instead of talking to the parents? Have they perhaps tried to recalibrate your expectations but you didn't like that response?[/quote]

Excellent questions and post, PP.  I think the OP really needs to dial it back.  Her post sounds a lot more like her being needy than her being willing to accept this new family member at face value.[/quote]

[b]Sounds like a grandmother who wants to know her role.
[/b]
[b]OP if that is your situation, I think dropping by every week for an hour or two (maybe when the parents need a break) could be a nice thing to do. [/b]Follow the child’s interests. If it is early elementary child, maybe bring some fun books you can read — Zoe and Sassafras is a nice one, or find a series about space. Then you could do science experiments together. Bring home cooked snacks that the child likes. Really listen to them and find out their interests and tastes. At that age they could guide you to what they are interested in. Showing love takes time and you’ll just have to be available until the child opens up to you.[/quote]

It actually sounds like someone trying to *define* their role rather than follow what the parents are suggesting, and, unfortunately, your kind suggestions are playing right into that.

Without any further information the only advice for OP should be to talk to the parents and do what they say. [/quote]

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