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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Regarding women needing DH to be more romantic/amorous leading up to sex, I have a concrete example that I think might ring true for many.

My biggest pet peeve in this area is that sometimes my DH just retreats behind screens all day. He’s on his phone or iPad all day, even in the evening when we are watching a movie together. If I reach out to touch him, no response— he’s focused on Twitter or whatever. Even when we go to bed, he’s focused on a screen.

Then just as I’m turning out my light to go to sleep, he gets cuddly and is interested in sex. This actually makes me mad. I cannot be invisible to him all day and then suddenly turn it on for sex. That’s absurd. It honestly makes me feel used.

Now, this isn’t all the time. He’s usually more engaged than that. But he’ll go through phases where he is just very internally focused, but expect me to suddenly want sex when he finally decided, at 11pm, to turn his attention to me. No. That’s insulting.

When I see men saying “oh, you just want him to jump through hoops for you and reward and punish him depending on how her performs.” No. It’s not a quid pro quo. But sex cannot be the only way we connect during the day. My body doesn’t work that way, and frankly neither does my brain. I don’t want to have sex with someone who has expressed no interest in my thoughts or feelings recently. If he wants to retreat internally for a bit for whatever reason, that’s fine. But then no sex until he’s ready to come be and active participant in our relationship. I’m not punishing him or giving him an ultimatum, I’m just responding to what he’s giving me.[/quote]
The above makes perfect sense.
Now give us a recent concrete example where YOU put in some actual effort towards having sex with him.[/quote]

The level of aggression in this demanding request is exactly the kind of entitlement that totally turns me off as a woman. I don't owe you any explanation of my marital sex life, or anything at all. I wrote the above to help YOU, the man who is struggling with the level fo sex in his marriage. I am personally not struggling with the level of sex in my marriage and didn't come to a message board for advice. So no, I'm not going to explain my relationship to you -- I am not interested in your input.[/quote]

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