Reply to Can you have a successful sexless marriage?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Can you have a successful sexless marriage?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Her last reason for rejection was that I hadn't been romantic enough to her in the past few weeks.[/quote]
She's telling you something. What does romantic mean to her? Everyone has a different love language. Instead of accepting a sexless marriage, are you willing to romance her more?[/quote]

This. I’ve said this to my DH before - that I didn’t want to have sex with him, because he hasn’t been romantic or shown me affection. Like you, he was angry and felt rejected. He sulked and was distant toward me. I felt like he was punishing me for turning him down. He said he didn’t know the correct algorithm of romantic acts he should do during the day that would lead to sex at night.

I told him that I need to feel desired by my partner in order to feel sexually aroused. When he treats me like a roommate or friend during the day with no sexual energy between us, I don’t feel desired. My body doesn’t go from friend zone to sex beast when we jump into bed. If we’ve been friend zone all day, then I’m still feeling like a friend toward DH at night when he’s trying to initiate.

I told him romantic for me was the things he did earlier in our marriage when we had more sex. Tell me you think I’m hot. What is it about my body that is attractive?  Sensual touching throughout the day. Earlier in our marriage we would kiss during the day, say I love yous, flirt with each other. He would plan dates and surprises. He tried to woo me.

Are you treating your DW like you did when you first married?  Also, we went to couples counseling for support. Therapist told DH my love language is words of affirmation. I needed him to express desire in words. Are you speaking you DW’s love language?  Maybe try some help before throwing in the towel and cheating. [/quote]

So he has to jump through hoops in the chance you might be up for it? What hoops are you jumping through?

Next time she’s up for it, just tell her nevermind. Watch how she suddenly accuses you of an affair. The double standard is amazing. [/quote]

Yes. Partners need to connect and express affection and desire. These are not unreasonable needs (according to our couples therapist). You can call them hoops, but they are basic human interaction. If I spend the afternoon with any man and he suddenly wanted to have sex, I’d say no. It would be weird. Where’s the fore play?

I don’t think DH is having an affair. And if he expresses his needs to me, I’d try to meet him half way.  When he’s pouting because I’ve rejected him the day before, I call him out on it. He says “having” to tell me I’m pretty feels forced.  I tell him if he can’t find anything nice to say about me then how could he want to have sex with me. [/quote]

What we need here is some kind of accounting system to supplement the romance-for-sex agreement. A woman can count the number of times she has had sex with her husband per week or per month and feel she has lived up to her part of the bargain (or concede or be called out on the fact that she has not)..But where is the quantifying method on the romance side so that the husband can say, "See, I am holding up my end.".?

There isn't one. So, in effect, the woman always holds the keys to the sex party. Until the man gets fed up with that lack of control (and lack of sex) and then the choices are divorce, cheat or give up.

Ever notice how men often post here about their frustrations over a lack of sex in the marriage and feeling like roommates but women far less frequently post about a lack of romance and feeling like roommates?

Bottom line is far more women than men are content to be roommates in sexless marriages and the suggestion that more romance will lead to more sex is mostly a dodge to avoid just coming out and admitting it. Because if you admit it, it's basically an invitation for the man to look elsewhere. He didn't sign up to marry a roommate. So in the wife's construction it has to be his fault he is not having sex.[/quote]

Well I didn’t sign up to have sex with a guy who is constantly farting, burping, picking his nose or itching his balls. Then looks over and wants to have sex. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics