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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. There are so many helpful comments here. I should have detailed that the pre-marital earnings were significantly commingled and actively managed.

Really grateful for the insight on how an Aspie views this, especially the suggestion on creating rules. [/quote]

Reading these descriptions made me realize that both my dad and my ex husband are probably on the spectrum. Knew there were issues but this is an eureka moment that explains so much about the handling of finances and many other things.

From my experience with my ex husband, there may be more accounts to be found than you've seen. The in and out account with the family member might be an attempt to minimize your ownership in that money or it's just an odd habit. Hard to know how  people think.  A lot of people get lazy with the retirement accounts so I'd cross that off your list for being mad but I would definitely try to find every last one because 1/2 of those are yours period.

Definitely consult an attorney who knows your jurisdiction and go for someone who is used to complex cases. It will be money well spent.  You want someone experienced. For example, it the premarital earnings are comingled, they may not be his alone. Each marital situation is unique to the nth degree so find out what you're looking at BEFORE you even consider divorce.

The issue for me was that it didn't feel like a partnership with my husband. We were living together with kids but it was like there was an impenetrable wall between us when it came to finances which is obviously a big category of married life. We weren't working together which depressed me greatly. Your situation may be different and I truly wish you well. But remember where there is smoke, there is fire re those extra accounts. [/quote]

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