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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can't make anyone, especially a teenager, feel something different from what they are actually feeling. Objectively as an adult these are fine choices with lots to offer and she has different parts of the country to pick from. I'm genuinely sorry she feels these schools are not for her. Maybe a visit will help if that's possible.[/quote]

No, but as parents, you can guide them and set the tone for their thinking, which leads to their feelings, which in this case is big disappointment.

OP, I think this is a lesson that we as parents with kids who are underclassmen at Big 3/5 schools need to absorb. There is a lot of rah rah in the parenting in these schools. We are encouraged to believe from day one that our kids are somehow exceptional, first because they were admitted to these schools in the first place, and then because when they get there, they appear to excel. They start to grow in independence and accomplishment in ECs/ sports and we think that is so fabulous. We cheer them on, of course, and are so proud of them.

Their classmates set a high bar with expectations on which colleges are acceptable. The schools do nothing to tamp this down, even knowing that top schools are a long shot for most kids - but neither do we as parents, because of course we're thrilled to hear that our little one is being encouraged to apply to these top level reach schools. It all starts to feed on itself and other perfectly great schools become merely "targets" or "safety." We push them to "work so hard" and reward them for doing so.

I can see how this is a recipe for a predictably bad ending for many, when they get their first major lesson in the Real World:  Other people (in this case, an admissions team) don't see you the way that you see yourself.

Good luck to your DD. I hope you help her turn around her thinking quickly.  Believe me, I'm taking note of your experience.[/quote]

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