Reply to Do you have a difficult child and how do you define one? Not special needs. Just difficult.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I think sometimes difficult is a code word for I don't like my kid or they aren't perfect in my eyes or not like me.[/b] My sister got straight A's in school and was very similar them.  I tried hard to please.  Helped around the house (she didn't), didn't party but never could get straight A's.  Nothing I did was ever good enough and there was always a triangle with my sibling and parents.

SN -  my child was late on all their developmental stages and couldn't communicate verbally or understand.  Knew to get help and find different ways to  make it work.  Many many hours of therapies and help (and child came out just fine).  You have to take the time to know your child, try many different things to find ways to make them work, not pit kids against each other, spend time with each one and value who they are.[/quote]

this is my case exactly. Kid is easy, I know it, but very different from me. Not a people pleaser. Not nice and polite with adults (very reserved, to the point of seeming rude). Very selective in his friendships. Somewhat pessimistic. Doesn't like achieving/hard work/challenge. 
The only thing similar to me is his propensity of words and playing with them/joking. 
But in other things he is easy and I know it. He is just very different. [/quote]

Work with him.  Model behavior.  Insist he is nice and polite.  It take work for many kids.   He sound like a great kid and putting in the effort usually pays off.  My kid is the exact opposite of us.  It makes them especially and we find every way to support their interests and instead of changing them, we have changed. [/quote]

Yes, you captured it for me: it seems like parenting him is work work work. My day is 90% making him do something he doesn't want to do, and 5% trying to recover from it, lol. 5% is for small stuff we both enjoy. Like a conversation that isn't about his stupid youtube videos. Or him actually wanting to do something more or less productive. But mostly he just complies with whatever he is told. I select activities not on the basis of him liking them, but rather on the basis of him not actively refusing :) If I don't hear moaning and groaning, he likes it. If he says "it was ok", it was great. Not a very rewarding personality, lol.
He wasn't always like that. Started changing around 6, and 6-8 were horrible years. Like I would arrive for pickup, and sit in the car for a few minutes just dreading the moment he is in the car and some sort of drama ensues. He started easing up around 9, and at almost 11 he is quite all right. Doesn't love what he is being told to do, but complies and doesn't give me too much headache. 
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