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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I worked on my own tendency to lie in my 30s. It came from an authoritarian parent who was always in my hair. Telling little lies was the only way I could get some breathing room. It was the fearful response of a child. I worked with someone on my fear and my lying almost disappeared. Not saying this is why your wife does it, but there may be and cause she can work on.[/quote]

This is me too.  Lying is reflexive when you grow up this way.  The fact that you don't like the way your wife conducts herself and have "confronted" her will only make her disappear more into this defense mechanism.  Work on creating an atmosphere of peace, acceptance, and non-intrusion for her.[/quote]

Yes.  We all grew up terrified of my dad, and I grew up watching my mother lie about how much every item in the house cost, where we went, what we did, etc.  She would coach us to lie to my dad (i.e.  "If he asks how much the shoes cost, say they were a hand-me-down from your cousins.")  And we weren't poor.  My dad was must really controlling and cheap.

I, too, was afraid to ever have a real conversation or any type of conflict with my husband.  I assumed if he was asking me a question it was so he could find a reason to yell and me and attack me emotionally and verbally.  It took me well over ten years to feel safe enough to not lie to him.  But yes, it was reflexive and I didn't even know that I was doing it, much less why.  It was just what people did, in my mind.  You might want to consider both getting therapy -- so she can figure out why she does it, and you can figure out if you have a part in it as well.[/quote]

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