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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So I am single and childless but I have worked for over a decade with young children.  My brother and his GF had a surprise pregnancy and got married and had my nephew, now a toddler.  I genuinely adore my SIL.  She is so smart, kind and is a wonderful wife and mother.  That said, I often feel like she doesn’t much care for me.  Even though my brother is constantly asking me for parenting advice, when I offer even a small tip or idea to SIL she always either tells me why I am wrong or more often tells me that she already knows.

Example: They were going on a trip so I ordered some mini figurines of characters from nephews’ favorite show.  I mentioned to her that a fun activity is to wrap little toys like these in several layers of aluminum foil so it takes him a long time to unwrap and he can rewrap and playing with the wrapper becomes it’s own activity.  She said. “Yeah, we do that all the time.”  I said “Oh I should have known you would know all the best toddler activities.”  She said “That’s like the first thing that comes up when you google sensory activities.”

The other stress point is that I am a gift person.  I love to shop for presents for others and spend a lot of time and energy trying to find nice things.  Not only has SIL been kind of blasé about gifts in the past (e.g., I spent a lot of time choosing charms for a sterling silver charm bracelet symbolizing different milestones in her first year as a mom and she never even mentioned it until I asked if she had opened it yet).  She recently sent a long email to all family members saying basically that they are not interested in getting random presents for my nephew and included a link to an online wish list of approved gift ideas.  I get why they might not want a bunch of miscellaneous toys and presents for him, but a) everything on the list is very expensive (like they asked for organic cotton training pants that were $20 a pair) and b) I just can’t help feeling that it was basically a way of saying “your presents aren’t good enough.”

So: tell me how much of this is that I am being oversensitive of crazy and how much is real. And tell me what to do about it.  Is there any point in discussing things with her?  Do I just bite my lip?[/quote]

Why are you even mentioning that your SIL was the girlfriend that got knocked up and then they got married?  That and other details you write about her stick out to me, like her age and how you’re so experience and so much older. You may not realize it but it comes across as completely petty and these facts are not relevant to the issue of gift giving, they just seem to up your status and lower hers. Not cool.

While you may be nice you sound super annoying, super know it all, super cram your “expertise” down my throat all the time.  Just stop.  She isn’t looking for job to be her new big sister or a semi-mother figure.  Just because your brother asks you for advice all the time doesn’t mean she wants it as well. You’ve been the big sister to the brother all his life, not to her.

It’s her kid. It’s her call. If she says no gifts or just gifts from the Amazon list that’s her decision to make.  Have your own kid if you are centered on showing the world you pick the best toddler gifts and have the best judgment.  [/quote]

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