Reply to Siblings "marrying up" and fading away

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Siblings "marrying up" and fading away"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. My parents are immigrants from Zambia. My mother never completed an education post middle school and my father was a mid level bureaucrat back there. They did what they could and sent us to local private schools and took out loans + scholarships for us to come to America. My other siblings are in the UK as well.

The problem is now my father is retired and he has a small pension and no savings as he spent it all plus amassed a lot of loans to send us abroad. [/quote]

When did they/you move here?  If they sent you to private schools here, I still wonder why it wouldn't have been more prudent to rent a smaller place in an adequate public school district.  As for your mother, could she not have gotten her high school degree here?  Plenty of immigrants without education find ways to work at least a little bit after their children are older or grown up.  The bottom line is, your parents are the parents and it was their responsibility to make a lifelong plan that would be realistic.  Not say oh well, it's out of our hands.

I think the best thing you can do is lay off your sister for a while, and focus on helping your parents get on a sustainable budget.  Find as much benefits as you can in the public system.  See if you can find them a cheaper place to live.  When giving them gifts, try to give them something that is nice and they will enjoy, but is also something that they actually do need, because then they will not have that expense anymore.

[/quote]

OP here. I do not bring up money to my sister anymore and neither to my parents. I believe my mother has a few times asked her for money for their rent and she helped out here and there. I also help pay for their rent and bay them food. The big issue is their massive loans that they have not been able to pay back as interest keeps accumulating. I do not have 30k+ sitting in the bank to just hand to my parents and feel guilty as if they were in my place they probably would have. My parents grew up poor so they do not understand money or financial systems. For them it was all a means to help their kids attain a better life.

I sponsored my parents to come to America when I got my GC 4 years ago.

My sister's IL are very wealthy and generous. They fully paid for their big fancy wedding and all its expenses and she did not make any money and her husband does well but living in DC and their luxurious life does not let them save so much. She also gets expensive presents from them. They seem like lovely people all around and she is beyond lucky! She makes about 60k and her husband makes closer to 200k from what she has told me. She keeps saying she wants to draw boundaries and ensure her husband doesn't "get sucked into our family mess." She was also against me bringing my parents here as she did not want to shoulder the responsibility.

[/quote]

Living in DC area with an income of $260k will not be luxury.  I am sure they are fine and have a nice house in Rockville or something, but around here that income is not "hand out 4-figure gifts to relatives" money.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics