Reply to Brother married up, treats our mother like crap but his in-laws like gold.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it possible head a very different relationship with your mom and just doesn’t enjoy being with her?  I know my husband’s brother thinks he is a monster for not spending more time with their dad. But his brother was the Golden Child and had everything given to him while my husband was and still is the scapegoat and the target of his dad’s nasty digs.  We avoid him because it hurts.[/quote]

Very much this. OP, your brother may be super thankful that he now has a family he can enjoy. Just because you are close to your mother, doesn't mean he is or has to be.  [/quote]

No, our mother is very sweet. And since when does a parent have to be fun or "enjoyable"? I'm sure the wealthier in-laws are more engaging or fun -- but that doesn't make it right to treat your mother like yesterday's paper. It's our mother. And I'm not going to be complicit in his attempt to pretend he's not treating her poorly. His in-laws see their grandkids multiple times a week, my mother sees the grandkids maybe twice a year. And it's not his wife, I think his wife is the only reason he calls or invites her the few times he does. His wife is a sweetheart.[/quote]

Then stop being fake around his wife. And every time he invites you ask him if he's invited your mom.

[b]You make it sounds like he's telling his wife your mom isn't available and asking you to keep up that lie. Don't.[/b][/quote]

Yes, I suspect that's precisely what he's doing. [b]I don't know how to not be fake and at the same time not stoke drama in their marriage. [/b]I have no idea if he's built up some house of lies. And having to go through his wife to make him treat our mom better gives me anxiety.[/quote]

The bolded is not your responsibility, nor would you be the cause of it. The accurate portrayal of your brother's behavior would be the cause. There are situations where it's kind or right to withhold the truth, but I don't think this is one of them. Drop the act. And if your SIL steps in and includes your mother more, even if it's independent of your brother, that's good for your mom.

I agree with the poster that said your mom should offer to babysit - but she should talk to SIL.[/quote]

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