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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a family member who always lights up for funerals.  Turns into a total social butterfly, chatting everyone up, making introductions, and runs over to anyone who is crying and starts hugging them, offering them tissues, and offering platitudes.  She becomes the life of the party, trying to brighten everyone up and make everyone feel better.  It is a weird thing to see, and maybe more so for me because in those situations, I am more introverted and self-reflective, and more subdued.

The thing that really sticks in my mind though is when we had a very traumatic loss of our child - she was again so cheerful the day of the funeral, and it really rubbed me the wrong way - she was just constantly going on, about how my child's spirit has been visiting her every day and how happy that made her feel, and made some silver lining speech in front of all our families about how she knew there were forces at work that we do not understand, because it brought her so much joy because she could see that this loss finally brought her family together again (many had been estranged from each other and not talking).  I mean, I guess she was trying to cheer everyone up but all I wanted her to do was just stop talking and stop coming over me whenever I started crying, trying to make me feel "better" by hugging me and giving more platitudes.

I just need to know - what is this?  Is it just some sort of anxiety?  On the surface, to me, it almost feels like she almost thrives and comes alive from the pain of others.  But I realize that might just be colored by my negative view.  Or maybe some people are just like this in these situations, everyone deals with loss differently, etc?  Maybe it just seems especially abrasive and aggressive and overstepping boundaries to me, because I have a very opposite kind of reaction in these situations where I get more quiet, want more space to just process my feelings.[/quote]

I am so sorry for the loss of your child.  I also have lost two children and it is with me every day.  I want to point out that if you're not in grief therapy right now then you need to consider it.  Your focus on this other woman is not helpful to you.  A good therapist or grief therapy group can help you focus on things that will help you move forward.  Hugs and best wishes.[/quote]

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