Reply to When you don't like a person in your broader friend group, which is the best way to handle?

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Reply to "When you don't like a person in your broader friend group, which is the best way to handle?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. I'm not really thinking of a specific situation. I'm not in the situation right now. But in the past, I've encountered people in friend groups I didn't like and I generally err on the side of one because of my aforementioned feeling about being up front up certain things. But I was discussing with a long time friend recently who approaches it from either #3 or #4. So I thought I'd ask. A few points of clarification:

- I'm only talking about people you have a good reason to dislike. Of course this is subjecting. Thinking of when I've encountered this issue in the past, it includes a woman who was extremely abrasive and competitive, constantly trying to top everyone in the group (not just me) and declaring these really severe political positions (like I remember her being super, super pro-gun rights in a way that was very insensitive).

- I'm not talking about gossiping about anyone, even the person you don't like. I actually really hate gossip. I just mean that if someone says "Oh hey I'm grabbing drinks with Larla on Thursday, want to join?" I will say "No, I can't stand Larla." End of conversation. If prompted I'll say why I don't like them. But I don't just make up an excuse to avoid her but pretend I think she's fine. I'm open about the fact that I don't like her.

- I'm also not talking about yelling at someone or arguing with the. In the example above, the worst I'd ever do was roll my eyes at some of the more obnoxious things this woman said and I recall a couple girls nights where I left early because I didn't want to deal with her anymore.

Anyway, I think #1-4 are all perfectly fine ways to handle it, to be honest. I get that some people prefer to just keep it to themselves and my friend, for instance, is extremely conflict averse so I get why she is more cautious. But I don't think of #1 as "mean", I just think it's honest. My feeling is that we all have to own who we are and our personality. If someone doesn't like me, I'd rather just know. Maybe they have a reason and I have to make an adjustment in the way I interact with others. Maybe I think "nope, that's just who I am" and I just steer clear of that person moving forward. I just prefer when people are up front about stuff like that instead of being "nice" to everyone regardless of feelings. But I get why some people opt for the niceness options.[/quote]

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