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[quote=Anonymous]I guess it depends on how dysfunctional your relationship with you mother was, op. I too had a very rocky relationship with mine but deep down always wished it could be turned around somehow. She has never physically abusedme and overall tried her best to help me but emotionally she tortured me. Accusations, criticism, threat of putting a curse on me when I was pregnant. As a result, during my first pregnancy I deleted all her emails, broke contact with her. We did have occasional contact after it but makorly beoke off after a conflict wgen she was visiting me. We continued soeaking a bit but I teied to keep my boubdaries. Eerily, exactly one year before her fateful surgery (she would pass away one month later) she had sent me an email with accusations, about how bad I was, and attached a video of her singing songs with her singing teacher, noting that we would never meet again and she was leaving that recording as memory. I found that email in the trash folder bc that is where I had redirected all her email. The hard part is that I loved her and wanted the best for her. After her surgery we had a month of blissful relationship. She was a perfect loving mother. I heard no criticism and the grief for her impending and then actual passing was enormous, soul-shaking for me. My biggest tragedy in life. I blamed myself for all her woes, for her death, for not being kinder to her. Again, we had had some good moments and tjat is why I had hope things would get better. In my mind's eye I would actually occasionally imagine my mother getting older, how she would look, how I would take care of her. And her illness and passing were excruciating. My dad, on the other hand, has left us when I was a teenager and came to my mom's funeral and tried to stay in touch afterwards, but he doesn't really support us or take part in anything. I lack feelings toward him. Sometimes I wonder when he dies if it would be as excruciating but I think not. Although it would probably be very very sad being reminded you've actually have not had a dad for most of your life. [/quote]

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