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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How old?  Some retired people can become very self-involved.  Also depressed people can become self-involved.  I've seen this with my mom.  I just stopped trying to change her and accepted it.[/quote]

Curious what would happen if you said: Hey I need your advice and want to run something past youZ what do you think of X versus Y for the house /kid? I’ve been looking into it. Know anything about it?

Can they respond and make sense?

These long lectures or monologues they say, do they repeat them or are they just babblers free flowing and happy to be talking to someone? [/quote]

OP here. I have tried the asking for advice thing. They have a ton of experience with home renovation so I’ve tried asking for advice in some stuff we’ve thought about doing. It goes nowhere. I asked my dad how he’d approach adding some built ins to our living room. He just shrugged and said we should just find something at IKEA (please note this is not how my dad would approach that in his own home— I don’t think he has anything IKEA at all). And then he changed the subject.

I admittedly don’t ask them for parenting advice because the stuff they say stresses me out a lot. But I look for other ways we can connect and just.... nothing.

I should also note that there was a 7 year period before I had a kid when my parents did not visit, except for my wedding. We visited them once or twice a year, but they never came here. After I had my daughter they made more of an effort, but their visits were stressful because we had a baby and my parents wanted to be entertained (planned activities, dinners out, etc.). We do it, but I never feel like there’s much visiting or quality time.

I honestly just don’t think they care for us. I’m at a point where I might be ready to let them go.[/quote]

I know exactly how you feel, OP, as my parents sound a lot like yours. It is so sad. We are so close w my in laws and I wish we could also be close w my parents but they’re just not that interested and it’s so hard to relate to them. They just talk about themselves and don’t ask about us when on the phone, they never call us/we always are the ones to initiate the call. They hardly ever visited us until after we had kids (my husband and I were together for 10 years before we had kids and during that time they came to visit us twice: once because my siblings were both also going to be visiting at the same time and once because other extended family were going to be visiting at the same time—basically both situations they actually came to visit the other people who would be there and not just to see us.)

they like my spouse and we all always get along fine so it’s not like there are bad feelings between us or tension there. Everyone shares the same fundamental beliefs—it’s not an issue of being from different religions or having different political views or anything of that nature. They just aren’t that into us!

Since we had kids they make a little more effort but like you, when they visit they expect to be entertained and expect everything to be to their liking...it feels formal and It’s not a very comfortable visit for us. When my in laws visit everyone is relaxed and the conversation flows easily and sure we are still good hosts—cooking for them, making sure their bed is made up and we have their favorite snacks on hand, the bathrooms are clean, etc. but since they are family and they come to just enjoy our company, we don’t feel like we have to have elaborate plans for every day and every meal like we do when my parents visit.

I’ve come to accept this is just the way things will be but it’s not fun.[/quote]

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