Reply to Feeling sad that daughter seems to be gay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you so much for all your helpful and kind replies. Any advice on how to work through my own disappointment?[/quote]

[b]Your daughter is 17. She knows how you feel.

It’s unfair (and unkind) to ask gay people to help you work through your disappointment.[/b] [/quote]

What?  OP doesn't appear to be asking her daughter for this kind of help.  You're just itching for a fight.[/quote]

NP. I think PP meant asking for help getting over her disappointment from the lgbt community on this board. Not asking the daughter for help. I think OP is too heteronormative. Being gay only carries stigma with people who are looking through the same lens as you. Maybe talk to a therapist about how to start changing your perspective, or be around some gay people more. Try PFLAG. When you start to realize being attracted to people of the same gender isn’t a burden and is quite normal, maybe you can be happy for your daughter. She’s the same person she was before you realized she might be gay.

Also, for things not to say: if it comes up in conversation she may not be ready to come out to you (because she probably knows your feelings on the topic and is reluctant to share). She may skirt the issue, give non answers to avoid lying but imply she’s hetero, or she might outright lie to keep up appearances. Those are all fairly normal choices for people who are afraid their family won’t be supportive. If she implies or straight up says she’s not gay, don’t act or say that you’re thankful she’s straight and you had been worried for nothing. [/quote]

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