Reply to How to convince teen to stay home alone over the summer

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like she doesn’t want the responsibility of taking care of her younger siblings. Perhaps she is worried about what might happen if something goes wrong or everyone starts fighting or if they misbehave. She doesn’t want all that to fall on her.

Can you get her to articulate what’s at the heart of why she doesn’t want to do this without adult support? Can you talk with her just to listen without judgment and without trying to litigate your point? Listen hard so you can paraphrase back to her what she said. Let her know that you value her perspective. It might not sound rationalize or be what you’d say, but it’s her perspective. [/quote]

This. If therr is no nanny then the 15 year old is responsible for her siblings and is not having a relaxing summer st home. Hire the nanny or pay your kid. [/quote]

+1. Yep. What is the 15 year olds role here?  Is she making meal and making sure her siblings eat? Cleaning up?  Dealing with “I’m bored” whining with no car? Supposed to make sure they stay safe? Allowed to discipline them?  And if so, how does it work when she tells one to go to their room and they say no and they call you at work yelling at each other.   What if she wants to go biking with a friend or is invited on a day trip, can she go?  What is her responsibility re: COVID compliance?  What is her authority?

You can hire the 15 year old to be the nanny. But, you need to give her nanny power and authority and back her up. And she has to feel safe and comfortable doing it.  It sounds like you want to hand her all of the hassle and responsibility of a nanny with none of the authority or pay. Putting aside issues of fairness and screwing up her relationship with her siblings over authority turf battles, you would never hire a 15 year old nanny who didn’t feel comfortable with the job. Or let your 15 year old take nanny job she felt was over her head. So, why is okay if you are the once forcing her into this situation?  Hard to justify the pay is not the same as we must do this to eat.

I don’t think you’ve thought this plan through.  Of course she doesn’t want to.  It’s a crappy way to spend the summer, you are providing no incentive, and she is smarter than you in eealizing she may legitimately not be able to discipline and keep siblings safe during COVID.  [/quote]

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