Reply to SIL who never shows a crack in the armor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s fine that were different, what’s weird is that she wants to talk on a daily basis, voluntarily, to someone so different. What I love about my friends is the feeling of recognition snd of being seen and of being able to relate. I don’t feel that with my SIL. If we weren’t related and she was my neighbor or coworker, I’d never seek her out. I’d be friendly and such but certainly wouldn’t be reaching out to her on a daily basis![/quote]

Then tell her you don't want daily contact, or simply ignore the calls/texts and respond to them at your own pace. How is this hard? How have you not "solved" this problem? Why are you hanging on to this instead of taking basic steps to reframe the contact in a way that works for you?

You seem to prefer going along with her pace of contact only to complain about her. Why?[/quote]

Again, for clarity, I’m not OP.

I explained in my PP that I was hoping it would strengthen our relationship and then we’d talk about deeper things and she’d drop the armor or come out of “guest mode”. I really hoped it would grow into a more genuine relationship.[/quote]

...and then it didn't, and when she kept up the daily light contact, you let it keep going...so you could complain about it. Why?[/quote]

PP here. I guess I’m still hoping that might be where it’s headed. Maybe we’re still building trust? It’s only been a year or so. She’s been my SIL for many years and it’s only in the past year that she reaches out so frequently. It’s not how I would approach things but maybe she needs more time to feel comfortable dropping her armor? I don’t know. I don’t dislike her, but I just don’t relate. But I keep thinking maybe it could grow. I try different tactics, like sharing things that are more personal, or asking her things that are more personal and she seems uncomfortable, but she continues to reach out. [/quote]

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