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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]ACE score of 8 here.  I am turning 59 this year and it feels like I am impacted by childhood neglect now even more than I was in my 20’s.  Then, I was in a high of having “escaped”.   Now, I am so much more aware of how debilitated I am by fear, avoidance, procrastination, self-hatred, PTSD.  I have people who love me but no real friends who are actual companions in my day to day life.  I am married to someone who turned to be an addict...and after 20 years of therapy, I married him in my 49’s and didn’t even recognize his addiction beforehand!

I am just so disappointed in myself that I am not healthier, emotionally.  I eat compulsively.  I read DCUM to numb out and ignore real pressing things.  I have dreams from my 20’s that I haven’t even begun to pursue,

On the other hand:
I am a good mom to a late in life child
With said child, I am patient and reliable
I have a job
My brother died by suicide over a decade ago.  I have survived
I have never been in trouble with the law or drugs
I don’t actively hurt anyone
I am not an alcoholic

It just seems like a small list of accomplishment compared to my “potential”.  I got lots of scholarships.  I used to be very smart.  I am a good writer.  I was going to do great things.  Instead, I have a brain full of scattered ideas and I am drowning in regrets.

I get angry a lot, but it’s mostly at myself.[/quote].

Correction: I’m turning 50 this year.  Add to my list of failings the fact that I frequently post typos to DCUM because I’m typing in my phone and autocorrect rarely works.[/quote]

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