Reply to Sister is angry family discusses physical resemblances in front of adopted child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Simple,  don't do it.  This is something that upsets your sister.  She has asked your family not to do it.  Why would people continue to do something they know hurts or offends someone else.

It doesn't matter if they don't agree with her.  What matters is respecting her enough to be thoughtful of her feelings.

If you love someone being thoughtful should be easy.  [/quote]

Sorry but no. This is abusive thinking, if you love me you'll do whatever I ask no matter how inappropriate the ask is.   OP and her family can respect not telling the child she's adopted.  They absolutely do not need to respect the request that they do not discuss family resemblances. I can only imagine what other conversation or activities sister will wish to censor in the future.  Sometimes, many times, loving someone means setting boundaries and telling them no.

I will temper this by adding family conversations should include things that all can enjoy.  I am adopted, I grew up hearing about family resemblances no big deal, but  I also heard things about how grandma took ballet just like me as a girl.  [/quote]

And other adopted posters have said is alienating. It's not abusive not talking about comparisons every visit.  What is abusive is doing something when you know it hurts someone.  Surely there are other ways to enjoy your time together that is inclusive of everyone.

For the sister to have asked them to stop tells me the comments are frequent,  I'm sure she would have ignored one or two comments.  This seems like an ongoing situation.

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