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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you could get a million people telling you they've been there done that and it doesn't take the pain away. Give yourself permission to grieve for a little while, and spend a bit of time wishing you could undo x, y, or z, and then start taking action. If, and this is the teeny tiny smallest if, there is a chance he will come back to you, you do NOT want it on these terms. He needs hugs? Fuck that noise!

I dated someone on and off for nearly 8 years. Wasted my goddamn 20's and earliest part of 30's on him. I wanted marriage and he didn't. You MIGHT win him back, OP, but do you want to tilt after the same windmill for a decade before you finally realize that, it's still just a windmill?

But still, easier said than done, I know it because I did it myself. And we all think our situation is different. But even if it is, you simply must take care of yourself right now.

Think of it this way: No matter how you feel, you CANNOT change or control how he is feeling, and no matter how many ways you try to interpret his comments or behaviors as showing hope, no matter how much you torture yourself with things you might have done differently, it's not going to accomplish anything. So focus on the things you can control. Rebuild your life without him; if the fates align and he's meant to be back in it, you can stitch it back together but it will only make things harder on you if you put your face in the sand now. He assumes the lease of the apartment, and you find a new place (unless you can afford the rent yourself). Get your money back, figure out what to do with the car. If you cannot pay the amount due off, you may need to have him sell it and give you the money and buy a new car. Start to figure things out now. Cancel joint credit cards. Etc.

BTW, you can rebuild your credit without him. Do not buy a car from one of those "your job's your credit" places, though. They'll soak you. Buy something used and pay for it outright if you have to.

Sorry this is happening to you, but it is happening. Better you find out now than in your mid 30's. Sorry OP.    [/quote]

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