Reply to Staying together for kids, do you plan for future?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Staying together for kids, do you plan for future?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand why people say staying together is a bad idea where there is no animosity or yelling and just a drifting apart.  I may consider splitting up once kids are out of the house just so we can each find joy for our second act.  But I love providing an intact family for my kids.  Even if we split, spouse and I will still be on good terms.[/quote]

You must think your kids are unintelligent then.  Kids are actually very smart and pick up on this lack of love.  And it can effect how they behave in their own relationships down the line.  I found that out the hard way, and have heard many many stories in a similar vein.  Please ask any kid who grew up like this if they are glad their parents stayed together. [/quote]

Kids are ridiculously poor judges of what is good for them.  They don't have an ability to meaningfully compare two situations, because it's not a mommy and daddy with love vs. mommy and daddy without love.  It's like this.  It's either mommy and daddy without love, OR:

- shuffling between the houses of mommy and daddy, and these houses are probably smaller, grungier and further away
 - possibly changing neighborhoods, schools, routines
 - less money for travel and extracurriculars
 - less money for college. College loans!
 - potentially new partners, step siblings, less money, less attention, less everything
 - constant bickering over who gets what holiday
 - constant bickering over who you'll visit next and when
 - hard end of life decisions when both elderly parents need care, and cannot help each other like they normally would.  So now instead of dealing with one elderly parent you are dealing with two separate sets of problems.  Have fun adding this to your plate.

Now mommy and daddy without love don't look so bad, do they.

By the way, the way you behave in your own relationship down the line is on you.  You are in charge now, not mommy or daddy.  No blame, no credit.[/quote]

I think you are mistaking what you care about as what 'kids' care about. When my parents divorced, we did not care at all about the things you listed. Not everyone cares about living in a big Mcmansion or "money to travel". Our parents were happier and we were much happier. Our parents were adults and rarely fought or bickered in front of us. Oh, and yes we were significantly poorer. That actually benefitted our college loans situation as we got more financial aid money.

Kids are very astute and learn a lot of relationship patterns from their parents. I spent years with unhappy parents before they divorced and it was so much better for me when they separated. Now, that may be because I valued  happiness over having a huge house or trips to Europe or expensive sport camps. I can see how for kids who are raised to value a big house and more money it would be upsetting to have fewer financial resources. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics