Reply to Wife resents me for not earning more

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Holy cow, was not expecting all that. Some more info, in response to all the questions:

There is a light at the end of the tunnel financially. Our debt is down from 300k to 60k, our youngest will be out of daycare in a year and a half, so that will certainly be a gusher of money (roughly 3500 in take home pay back in our pockets per month). We have dramatically downsized our life, selling a home we were house poor in (another bad decision), and renting an apt instead. Housing costs extremely low. Plus in our defense, we have no credit card debt and both have near perfect credit scores.

[b]What’s the source of our financial stress now? Just affording a down payment and monthly payments on a home in a major east coast city with schools we love and a commute that won’t crush us. What everyone wants. The telework may mitigate the third issue somewhat. Also need to save for college.[/b]

Re my wife’s expectations before getting married, this is a major source of my resentment. She never communicated in any way that she’d want to be part-time or stay at home, and that she’d want to marry a primary breadwinner. And I never held myself out as that type. But in fairness to her, we were both clueless about what life would be like with kids, and she probably just didn’t know that about herself. But her criticisms really sting —- I graduated near the top of my class from a good law school, and when I see classmates make partner and provide for their families it really makes me feel terrible. It makes me realize that I wouldn’t blame women for marrying for money. But on the flip side, I am have reasonable options to advance in government beyond a GS-15 (either SES or with a financial regulator, given my area of specialization), and I can see a higher ceiling to my earnings. Just not enough, I guess.

As for housework, look it varies based on how busy we are (remember, I do have a full-time job), so I’d say my median contribution to household and kid tasks is somewhere near 60%, much higher when her work is insane and lower when mine gets busy, which it does sometimes.[/quote]

Actually, most people in high cost cities don't get the house with great schools and good commute and save for college and have a SAHM and are wealthy.  Only some people do.  What do rest of folks do?  Compromise.  When I married my DH, both of us worked like dogs but lived in poverty for 5 years.  Guess what? We did not have a child in those 5 years.

You all seem to be living beyond your means and for what?  Your wife is stressed, you are stressed and  I bet your kids are stressed. You are missing the best years of your children childhood. You need to work with your wife to priortize things in your life.  You are making a very good salary on your own. Even if your wife is working, y'all should bank the entirity of her earning and live on only your salary. That is the only way to build wealth. [/quote]

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