Reply to If you grew up with an angry parent...

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "If you grew up with an angry parent..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some of you probably had truly terrible parents. Some of you also need some resilance… there are things kids can do even very young kids that are downright dangerous to themselves and/or others and they need to be dealt with in a manner that conveys to the person doing them that they are to never do that again.

Again, some of your parents probably misfired, some of you only remember your parents anger and maybe fear, and some of you need to not crumble so easily.

As for op, dial down the dramatics.  If your spouse was a nice person before the pandemic, this is in most cases fixable.

First, make sure you are treating your spouse well, i.e. make sure you aren’t showing all your kindness and concern to the nanny, the Starbucks lady, the Amazon driver the schoolteacher, your spouse needs to be the main person you are kind to.

Second, where is your spouse working?  If it’s at home, know that many bosses don’t treat people well who work from home.  The attitude is “all you have to do is log in” so things like good sleep, healthy schedules, healthy boundaries go out the window.

When my husband worked from home, he’d get phone calls at all hours and felt like his day was never over, there was no mental space to say “everybody go home, see you when you’re fresh”.

Also, make sure your spouse isn’t experiencing a reaction to something at work that is upsetting him or her.  Looking at viruses under a microscope can be great… until someone you loves gets the virus.  Firefighters and police go through this, and I think other people do too, it just isn’t talked about.

Finally, make sure your pandemic plans aren’t abusive.  It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, it does matter that you are on the same page. Be willing to give in ways you may not have thought about.

For example, I remember being in tears because we didn’t have an ingredient I wanted for cooking. My husband told me he’d get it on the way home, but I needed it to put in the food before baking it and he wouldn’t be home in time for that to happen.  I had kids doing online school and couldn’t leave them home or bring them to the store with me.  I ordered the ingredient from Wegmans and had it delivered along with some other things that we didn’t need, but that we’d use and because I had to get to the minimum delivery amount.

It took awhile for my husband to understand that on that day, that ingredient mattered to me, as in it really mattered.  He’s been going to work in an office during the pandemic and at time doesn’t have a good perspective as to what’s going on at the house.  I didn’t want to think of something else to cook, and I couldn’t cook what I had been wanting to cook without the ingredient.  I remember telling him “it’s 2020, I don’t have to wait to get this done, not living where we live, in 1980 maybe I would have, but it isn’t 1980”.

Make sure your expectations and responses are appropriate to the time, the place and your spouse.  What may have been fine for your mom or grandma isn’t fine for your spouse.  What you think  may have been fine for your mom or grandma may not have been fine at all. I remember my mom saying “your father forgot the f**cking milk” many times when I was growing up.  Usually she was right, he had forgotten the f**cking milk, and the milk mattered to her. 
Lastly, know that you can divorce your spouse, the beauty of being an adult is that the only relationships you have to be in are the ones you want to be in.

[/quote]

-1billion

Um, no. As an adult I know not to throw things when I get mad. As an adult I am aware that it is not my spouse’s fault I am angry - if I need more affection, I tell them. If something they do upsets me, I tell them. Explosive anger is abuse and is not up to the spouse to fix. I hope you’re a troll bc if not, you lead a sad life. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics