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Reply to "Wife wants to move closer to family - but am I committed enough?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Where did you and your wife meet? If you met in the city, then she was presumably voluntarily living there, so it's not like you imposed some huge change on her--the two of you just continued to live where you met and married. I would be [b]very[/b]wary of moving to her small hometown. You will always be the outsider, your children will be subsumed into her family, and if you're unhappy there and want to move back, she will never agree because she has family support there and will keep the children with her. You will lose all control of your family. I would not move--status quo wins. Call her bluff. If she really wants to move, she will go with or without you, but the children may well stay with you because it would mean uprooting them from their schools and community. [/quote]

I find it hard to believe that there weren't conversations about how they would raise their children earlier on in the marriage, especially when a small town wife agreed to life in a city.  Those are two completely different lifestyles.  Generally people have an idea of how they want their kids raised.  [/quote]

Even when people do have those conversations, there’s a difference between hypothetical discussions before you even have kids and how you feel once you actually have experience living with those decisions as a parent.  It may be that things OP’s wife thought would be positives about raising kids in a city have turned out to be negatives once she actually lived them.

Bigger picture, a relationship that leaves no room for the people in it to grow and change is very likely to die.[/quote]

Staying in the big city while raising children was a deal breaker for me, and I let my husband know that before our first was born.  If these kinds of conversations were had between OP and spouse before kids, I do think that has to weigh heavily on how they proceed.  Had OP made promises to his wife that were delayed and delayed?  That kind of information colors how we advise him.[/quote]

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