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Reply to "Wife wants to move closer to family - but am I committed enough?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Where did you and your wife meet? If you met in the city, then she was presumably voluntarily living there, so it's not like you imposed some huge change on her--the two of you just continued to live where you met and married. I would be [b]very[/b]wary of moving to her small hometown. You will always be the outsider, your children will be subsumed into her family, and if you're unhappy there and want to move back, she will never agree because she has family support there and will keep the children with her. You will lose all control of your family. I would not move--status quo wins. Call her bluff. If she really wants to move, she will go with or without you, but the children may well stay with you because it would mean uprooting them from their schools and community. [/quote]

This is what I wondered too, especially since OP said he would feel like an outsider. DH is from a small town, and his family only cares about their own blood. Everyone who marries in isn't really a first class citizen. They're also very small minded, petty, and look for excuses to take umbrage. In talking with other friends who married people from these towns in the same area, it's not uncommon. DH has no desire to move back there, but his mom blames me for them not living there. She has some fantasy that if it wasn't for me, he would live there even though he's told her dozens of times that he would never move back there because he doesn't want to and he couldn't get a good job there anyway.

Maybe I'm off on this, but OP's post sounded very familiar to me. If this is the case, then don't move there OP. You'll hate it there, and if you divorce then that will be where the judge determines the family lives. You could end up stuck there until your youngest child is 18, and you'd likely be miserable and without your own family. Plus what if something happens to your 100% telework job and you need to get another that requires you to come into the office? Is there even a decent job market for your industry in this small town?

What you should do is get marriage counseling. Some of these unhealthy patterns are deeply ingrained and you and your wife need to see if you can find a way to support each other. If not, then get divorced here in DC so the Judge will determine that DC is the family home state and you won't be tied to this other town for years.[/quote]

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