Reply to Husband sent private emails to a friend about our relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you sent your dh an email listing all the problems you find with your marriage.  Your DH in turn forwarded that to his friend because he needed a sounding board regarding your list. His friend helped him work through it and figure out how he felt about it and encouraged him to bring it up in your marriage counseling.

Sounds like this is a good way for your dh to deal with things.  Obviously he's having a hard time bringing up his feelings in marriage counseling and this friend is helping him be able to.  Marriage counseling won't work if your dh can't bring up his points too.

Something about your approach to all this seems off.  [/quote]

Yes, this is what happened. He didn't bring it up in marriage counseling. I found out about it a different way by accident, but the end result is the same. I agree marriage counseling won't work if he can't talk, but to me this is a breach of trust. If he can't really talk during marriage counseling without first getting validation from his friend, doesn't that point to larger issues with his personality and ability to handle things in the marriage? Is this friend going to be with us as a sideboard throughout the marriage after counseling too?[/quote]

Or it could point to issues on dealing with things with you.  Maybe you make it difficult for him to be open. [/quote]

That is probably true. He has a lot of communication issues with many people including me. He's never talked to this friend before about our relationship and the friend has had a host of relationship issues himself none of which were talked about in detail over the years. I'm not saying I'm a perfect person. But we agreed that therapy would be the medium for discussion. There needs to be respect and honestly and transparency to move forward, no?[/quote]

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