Reply to Am I Asking Husband To Do Too Much?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband has not been pulling his weight lately and thinks I’m asking for too much. We welcomed our first child ( 10 weeks old) a couple of months ago.  He took paternity leave and was wonderful. He spent time bonding with the baby, did housework, and waited on me with food and water. He’s been back at work for a month now and things have taken a 180. He has not done much besides spending a couple of hours a day with the baby. I’m doing most of the childcare and housework. I have told him multiple times he needs to do more things, but he has said I should handle it since he works all day. I understand he works all day but I’m exhausted too. Having to care for a baby, who often needs to be held for naps, is not easy. He said there is ample time for me to get housework done while baby naps, but I disagree. I’m also getting up with baby once at night. I’m going back to work PT in January and told him this won’t work for me. He said he will help out more once I’m back at work, but feels I should be doing most of the childcare and housework because I’m home. I feel me asking for more help is fair. I don’t know if being unreasonable with my expectations. [/quote]

In the evenings, one of you should care for the baby, while the other cooks dinner.  After dinner, one should put baby to bath and bed, while the other cleans up the kitchen and playroom (is there even a playroom yet?).  Then, considering you have probably put the baby to sleep early, you both get a couple hours to unwind.  If this is what you mean by your DH spending a couple hours with the baby at night, then this sounds equal to me.[/quote]

OP here. This is our day. We all wake up around 7. He gets to work ( works from home) and I make us breakfast and him coffee. I tend to baby who is having naps issues and requires being held. I also am very active with my baby - tummy time, reading, toys, etc.,. This repeats all day until about 6. He will take baby while I cook dinner. We eat and I put baby to bed ( 8pm bedtime) and then I clean up the kitchen and the mess. He workouts out, showers, and then e watch tv.

I would be fine if this was just during the week, but it’s weekends too. He spend almost no time actually caring for the baby solo. It’s still me. He doesn’t help with naps, feedings, or making dinner. He will play with baby for a couple minutes here and there in between working out or watching tv. I feel like I should get a break on the weekends, but he needs that time to relax because he works during the week. [/quote]

1.  All your "activities" with the baby might be  why  the baby is having nap issues,  10 week old babies don't need  tons and tons of toys and stimulation. 
you are probably missing sleep cues thus making it hard for the baby to nap easily.

2. On the weekends just leave the house. Go drive around for a few hours,  if you are comfortable go to the shops or sit in a coffee shop and  read or mess around on your phone. The point is your DH needs  to be the caregiver then. He can do it, and he will figure it out.

3. As for meals have him cook on the weekends, but when it's his night to cook it's his night to do dinner no micromanaging.  When you cook give yourself permission to simply the meals, try  some one spot stuff so there isn't ton of clean up. [/quote]

OP here. I know sleeping cues with my baby. I’m not missing them. You do know many infants this age go through phases of needing to be held, right? Baby used to sleep by independently and then 8 weeks came and that was no longer an option.

Going places is not realistic. I can’t just go sit in public with an exposure risk. I don’t drive either. It’s just not possible.

He refuses to cook on the weekends because he is too tired from the work week. [/quote]

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